This last week has brought to our attentions again the tragic topic of SUICIDE. 2 Celebrity deaths with Kate Spade and Anthony Bourdain both hanging themselves. People rarely discuss suicide because it is so misunderstood and unexplored. Western society has stigmatized it to be from DEPRESSION or MENTAL ILLNESS. Or on occassion excessive GUILT or FAILURE. it is seen as a weakness or malfunction and people are embarrassed and ashamed to seek help. And what really isn't discussed is THE HELP.

     Before i delve into what i believe to be the REAL root cause of the INCREASE in suicide rates amongst MANY different categories of americans we will find they most likely all have a common and similar cause lets discuss the history and different types and reasons people commit suicide.

     First off since the beginning every tribe every culture every.civilization has had suicide as a part of it. It is mentioned in the bible many times. Judas who betrayed jesus took his life for example. In samurai stories like 47 ronin suicide is a way to prevent dishonor to your family. Even today in the Sea of Trees at the base of Mt Fuji people go to commit harikari to avoid disgrace and dishonor to their family. Loved ones after committing murder of another loved one in a crime of passion often kill themselves.  Hitler is said to have taken cyanide rather than be captured.  Prisoners of War, people in jails around the world commit suicide rather than face  fear of the unknown all the time. High profile titans of industry when caught in scandal instead of facing even the possibilty of being jailed often kill themselves. People from all walks of life and from various circumstance find themselves feeling hopeless and lost. Overhwelmed with guilt. Everyone has heard how someone before them left a note and chose a way to kill themselves. 

How do i do it?


     What goes through someones mind when they feel so lost they can't ask for help and feel so hopeless their pain cannot relent and is unsufferable.

     Most people can relate to feeling pain of losing a loved one, ending a relationship, financial loss, property loss, emotional instability,  things that are traumatic that we know are difficult to cope with and hard to transition through. Periods where having a confidante can really be life saving. Having an emotional support mechanism in place can make all the difference.  Society needs to put more of an emphasis on emotional health than on consumer productivity. 70% of americans suffer from depression.  85% are unhappy with their jobs.  If you live to be 80 thats 60% of your life being unhappy with most people having to fight through depression. And now to the HELP.

SIDE NOTE: You dont hear about any suicides amongst the homeless population or mental facilities.

    So in western society todays medical professional treat people who have related that they have depressed or suicidal thoughts as emergency cases.

     They make you feel very unsafe confirming you may feel suicidial because you fear they may drug you, lock you up and nobody will ever hear from you again or they will stigmatized you as CRAZY or having a meltdown or breakdown. Maybe even  a druggie cause you had to go into rehab etc. They require extreme psychological, emotional and mental support including medications be applied. They insist a therapist can help explain away any and every thought or feeling and as soon as the meds kick in you will feel cool calm and collected ready to take back on the world.  Keep seeing your therapist and taking your meds. Avoid drugs, alcohol and conflict life will be just fine. What they dont talk about and dont tell you is the dirty little secret about all the medications EVERYONE is taking from blood pressure, diabetes, antidepressants or whatever the SIDE EFFECT of all these drugs is SUICIDAL THOUGHTS .

      I, myself have always suffered from depression since a teenager even cutting myself as an attention grabber to expose my pain. Counseling & Antidepressants prescribed i quickly abandoned after feeling worse. Years of counseling, parenting, coping classes later i feel ive got a real good ability to deal with crisis and stay calm and not get depressed, to be able to talk it out, to find a way to organize my thoughts, make a plan and stay now a FUNCTIONING MENTAL CASE.

     I have found ever since 1990 that using marijuana keeps me level not too high not too low. When im in a REAL funk ive always enjoyed a deep trip into my mind using some LSD, DMT, MDMA or Psilocybin.  It helps connect you to the WHOLE.  Remind you of your PURPOSE and FREE you from emotional burdens and painful memories.

      Now in 2014 after having a massive HEART ATTACK  and being a single father living paycheck to paycheck i really had some heavy responsibilities and some extremely emotional days. Purposefully staying focused on remaining strong i found it incredibly difficult with the assortment of medications i now had pumping thorough me. Blood thinners, cholesterol pills, heart pills, blood pressure pills all innocent enough. I couldnt couldnt stop the persistent feelings over darkness shadowing me with thoughts of hopelessness and suicide. I talked to a pastor, a counselor, the doctor, everyone just said its NORMAL.  Just stay positive.

      After year of struggling with the emotional strife and feeling taking a toll on my physical abilities to function i had reached the END OF MY ROPE . I found myself researching the above ways yo commit suicide.  I even went so far as to make a noose, sharpen a sword, obtain prescription sleeping pills, and even thought of driving into a ravine. BUT instead i decided id just quit taking all the medications the doctors had me on that were making me feel unbalanced, light heated and extremely confused and depressed. I would stick to my regime of daily marijuana use.

     I didnt tell anyone because i thought after a few days my heart would just STOP or EXPLODE and itd be over, nobody would ever have to know. I figured id lay in bed all day fedling blue and just die in my sorrow. But exactly the opposite began to happen.
     Within days I was feeling stronger I had more energy and was more motivated to have a full day. I started taking on indoor cleaning projects moving up to mowing the yard splitting wood even started back to working a door to door sales job.  I was no longer worried about the pills or being depressed. I had my drive motivation and spark back i was back to living my life. Over the next 3 years i continued to push my limits physically and emotionally without any medications and have never had a suicidal thought or felt helpless or that i should give up hope. I have been through some soul crushing events that i still deal with and for some would emotionally cripple,  i stay up and think what my purpose is and how i can make today better than yesterday.  I still use marijuana daily and find it quite help in regulating health and emotion.  Plus a creative flow of positive ideas. I see science has finally seen how much money is being made and the remarkable benefits without negative side effects natural remedies provide they are now fighting to be on the front line of psychedlic research. Using LSD, PSILOCYBIN,  MDMA to fight depression and help people release all their negative energies. TABOO  a generation ago, yoga, meditation, accupuncture, and many eastern natural practices are now seen as healthy lifestyle alternatives. Cannabis has opened many peoples eyes to the pharmaceutical industries corrupt,  dangerous and deadly practice of chemical poisoning of the population under the pretext of being MEDICINE. We must expose these pharmaceutical frauds.

     Suicide is a terrible event to deal with.  Loved ones are left without answers a huge hole from the loss and the responsibilities of dealing with life and tragedy. Talk to your loved ones and friends and find one who you can go to when you are blue. Everyone needs someone sometimes. Read motivational books, listen to inspiring videos, dream big and make long term plans. Make a vision of the life you want and work hard to go get it. Think bigger than yourself and give back to those who cant do for themselves. Life is short do what you LOVE and you will LOVE what you do. Join a group. Go to church. Become a fan. Connect and enjoy.

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